Wishcasting Wednesday: What Do You Wish to Choose?

Having to make a choice often stumps me.  Something as simple as picking what I want for lunch can turn into an epic saga and a major attack of analysis-paralysis so let’s not even try to discuss how I go about making the big ones.

I get stumped because when faced with making a choice, I always tend to go with the one that makes the least ripples, the ones that create the least tension, the ones that will please everyone.  Sadly, the ripples turn into large waves of regret, the tension forever lives in my bones and in the end, I am usually the only one who is not pleased. 

I usually end up making the “safe” choice, the one that won’t raise any eyebrows, won’t cause much talk, won’t  freak anyone out too much, won’t make much of a dent, won’t show against the pristine background of my life.  I’ll go make the choice that matters to THEM, the one that’s FOR them.  And what about the other choice – the one I didn’t take? Oh it’ll sit there and it will be the choice that I will wonder about, the one that will haunt me with the “what ifs”.  It’ll come to me when I fall asleep after a day of compromises, whispering in that all-too familiar voice:  “ What about you?” 

And because I rarely choose the one that will make me sing, the one that will fill my heart, the one that will make me want to get up in the morning  and turn cartwheels at the sheer joy of being alive, I will brush the voice away and tell myself – no, force myself to believe – that I made the right choice. 

So I wish to choose ME.  I choose me.  This time, even just for once – I will choose ME. 

And when I do, then choosing will not be such an agonizing thing to do because even if my choice (on anything!) does create huge tsunami-like waves, I will be happier and fuller and more alive.  And the people close to me will understand because they will see how much better I am for making that choice. 

Of course there will be those who will not understand – but that’s okay.  I didn’t choose them.