Everyday I wake up and I am thankful for another day.
And then I remember – it’s just another day, the highlight of it being the challenge of getting to the office on time. YES! I made it – whoopees around and a little victory dance to my desk. And it goes downhill from there rather quickly.
That little clock on my laptop, sitting innocently in the right hand corner, is my friend. I like it because it tells me how many more hours to the long, long day are left. Sometimes we fight – I hate it when it seems like it’s going soooo slow.
I sit there. And sit some more. I watch people come and go and they all look soooo busy. And I feel the isolation all the more. Drudgery. Day in and out the same things to do. I can finish them in no time. Nothing changes, nothing happens. My brain starts hammering out ideas but either no one is there to share them with or everyone is too busy trying to be superstar. The phone rings and my assistant (why I have one, I do not know) picks it up. As usual, it’s for her. I eavesdrop hoping I can chime in and contribute, hoping she will ask for my opinion.
I sit some more. And I wonder what I’m doing. They all tell me I’m fine, stay where you are. But my head and my heart are clamoring for something – I am like a thoroughbred at the starting gate, pawing the ground, knowing I can win the race – but the gate never opens.
I wish that I can take a break from the monotony of it all. I wish the gate opens and I am allowed to run, to test my ideas and find out if they work, to see more of this world, to be part of it all – and yes, to make mistakes so I can learn some more. I am bored – bored to death is not even enough to describe it. Death might not even be as boring if I end up where I think I’ll end up LOL. I tell them I have a brain. They tell me yes we know you do but stay where you are. You’re fine.
I keep pawing the ground. I think I will just push the gate open myself and run off to somewhere where I can be useful and feel fulfilled.
So open, honest and true!
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you... you are not alone :]
Don''t ever let anyone steal your joy, stay focus on your dreams... they can become a reality. the one thing that is constant is change :]
As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.
Wow. I love the depth of where you have taken this. As you wish, so I wish for you!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your journey! I can understand wanting to get away from the day-in-and-out monotony of work. As you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also.
ReplyDeleteAs you wish, so I wish for you
ReplyDeletethank you everyone - somehow trying to think about what i wanted a break from actually pushed me to find a resolution to it. i wish all your wishes come true!
ReplyDelete